The weekend that was gaming fun

Friday started off as a great day. Work was fine, we had laughs, ribs, etc. It was the usual end of the week fun.

However, I did not expect the events that happened a mere 12 hours earlier to happen, nor did I expect so many people to side with me. Gaming enthusiasts and even gaming web celebrities saw my side.

It was 9:45 PM Colorado time on Thursday night. I was winding down myself to prepare for bed and was watching TV with my wife. Nothing interesting was on. It dawned on me that XBox One was launching on the east coast in a mere 15 minutes. As I scroll through the guide on my TV, I saw that Spike was doing an XBox One launch event. I decided to turn it on to kill time.

During my watch of it, which, by the way was for a console I have no intention of buying, I saw it was hosted by what a lot of people know as the "Face of games", Geoff Keighley. Despite all the "Doritos Pope" memes I had seen and knowing his reputation, I still respect him. He has grear potential to get the proper message across about the medium we all love and obsess over.

5 minutes in, I see him present the singer Macklemore. Not my cup of tea on music,  but I digress. Then, I see him on stage with Microsoft PR getting ready to hand out the first 10 consoles.

After seeing that, mixed with his co-host trying to be like Jenny McCarthy on New Year's Eve interviewing "random" consumers about what they were excited for, I had enough.

I turned it off and went to have a cigarette. After I finished, I went on Twitter and said that I didn't appreciate the way Keighley and Spike were sending the wrong message about our medium.  Basically that they were catering to the MTV crowd, or that 18 - 34 demographic,  and they already have those people buying consoles (Whether one or all three) and that they needed to try and send a more diverse message that games can be in the same league of movies, music and books as an art form.

Now let me state that I know launch events, E3, and ComicCon are always going to have flare and PR pizzazz. I was referencing that they're doing this on their website all the time and also on the show they have on Spike TV. That's not what needs to be done. 

Once I tweeted this (In 160 characters), Keighley replied with a basic "Fuck you" and I got flamed by his legions of followers.  There were some who agreed with me, but overall, I had a lot of hate towards me that night. All I was doing was making a point that everyone missed. 

I also pointed out the irony that he tweets me back with "There are different ways to celebrate our art" while dancing with Mackelmore and Microsoft PR was hypocrisy at its finest. Yet, I still got flamed. It was quite an eventful 10 hours on Twitter for me.

After work on Friday, I was excited to get Super Mario 3d world,  and The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds. I was also excited knowing that nwr.com was hosting its annual child's play marathon the next day. An event I had partaked in for 3 years straight. I was excited to donate money to children who needed it.

On Saturday,  I woke up and jumped right on the telethon chat and Twitter and expressed to Jonny Metts that I would really love to tell this story. He stated he wanted to hear it.

I listened to the telethon, and was having a blast. About 45 minutes in, I decided it was time to make a lot of children happy.  I donated $2500 and became a figurative "Star" in the NWR community. I just did it cause I'm a father and I want other kids to be as happy as mine are.

In the next segment, I decide to call in to the telethon and speak with the guys about the Wii U report card and tell them about my incident with Mr. Keighley. It seemed that the community in the chat and the Twitter community contributing seemed to side with me. Jonny defended him and justifiably so, he knows him better than I, but it seems he saw my point of view as well. I won't speak for James, or Gui, though James made me laugh on why I wasted my time watching in the first place.  Well made point, James. Done in the way only you can do it.

Let me remind, I am a writer, and a huge gamer. I would love to turn either or both of these into a job. I am also an HSP, which means that it is so much easier to express my thoughts in writing than in oration. On paper and online I have a loud voice. In person, I am as quiet as a ninja (Except with my family). Something I need to work on.

The rest of the telethon was awesome. I was so entertained for the whole 10 hours, never bored and because of my contributions to the community, the charity, my feelings on Geoff Keighley,  and the fun I had in chat, I made lots of new friends on Twitter and maybe some Nintendo networks, including some NWR staff. I couldn't have had a better day than I did.

I've always wanted to get into the gaming business cause I love games, and I love to write. Combining those would just be a dream for me. I've spent 10 years going on the programming side cause of my MS in computer science, but I think I love writing more. It just speaks more from my soul.

My friends Helen and Audi have always been my biggest inspirations, and they both have always told me to never hold back. Well, I won't and I haven't.

I just want to thank Jonny Metts, and the entire NWR staff and community for giving me some of my 15 minutes of fame.

And to Geoff Keighley - I still think you are sending the wrong message of our art, and feel this needs to be changed. I find it funny that John Davidson, the man in gaming "journalism" I respect the most said the same thing about you in 2006 on 1-Up Yours. If he said it, then it's obvious something you're doing must change. I say that with respect cause I feel you can still do it, if you drop the Doritos and back side kissing you do with PR.

With that, I am out.

Tim "Smeatbass" Hudson

The first year of the rest of my life

Well, it's been nearly 2 years since I posted anything on this blog. I've mainly done all my "Thought" writing on traditional notebooks, or posting several things on my own private blog that no one knows of - Simply because there is just some things that I need to write down or type that I want to remember, or perhaps even vent about, but want no one of particular knowledge to read those particular thoughts.

That said, I am now back on this blog, whether viewed by 1, or 1000.

What has caused me to write on this blog again? Well, I do have a lot of opinions I need to get off my chest. Also, today is my 34th birthday. I just passed the 5-year anniversary of the passing of my father, also passed the 5-year anniversary of my promotion within my job.

Being now that I feel that my mind has coped as best as it can with the passing of my father, and I feel I am out of the "rut" it put me in with regards to everything - My writing, my relationship with my children, my mother, and most importantly, the personal acceptance of myself. The only thing his death did not put me in "rut" with was my work. I wanted to persevere to make him proud, and excel at my job in order to know that he is and was proud of me. I now feel that I have accomplished that. Now, for the last year or two, I have begun the long process of self healing. What does this mean exactly? Anyone who has known me for an extended period of time know that I have always had personal self-esteem issues. There have been certain things and people in my life over the last 5 years that have effected me, and helped me to reevaluate my position on myself.

I remember right before my youngest son Lucian was born in the fall of 2005, I was having what many called an "existential crisis". Basically during the summer of 2005 through the spring of 2006, I was always worried that being a human meant nothing, and my life would have no purpose in the grand scheme of the universe. Eventually I got passed that and celebrated the birth of my youngest son, while mourning the passing of my dearest friend - My cat Beauty. Yes, I have been called silly for having a cat and deeming it my closest friend. I don't view it as silly at all. I got her when I was 5, and she lived until I was nearly 27. That's 22 years of her being in my life and knowing everything I went through, and experienced. If anyone had a bird's eye view of my life, it was her.

However, her life is something to be discussed on another day. I'm here today to talk about my feelings on getting older, and how the last 5 years have effected me.

I remember after my father passing that his life was not remembered by many, except for those closet to him - mainly myself, my mother and Kelly. It's almost as if my existential crisis I went through was almost a mirror reflection of what was to come for him a mere 2 years later. Well, I have been, and will continue to be the voice of him, making sure no one forgets who he was, or what kind of person he was. I have worked to the point of pure mental exhaustion to make sure this happens. While I spend the next few years trying to track down my brother and sister, James and Dawn, I will still be making sure that his name will not be forgotten.

I told the funeral home that I would write his obituary. The problem with that is, I started writing it, and it quickly turned into 20 pages. Over the last 5 years, it's turned into almost 75 pages. Hardly something you could put in a newspaper, so as I continue to write that as the months and years go by, I will continue to remember all the things he brought to this world, both good and bad, to make sure that he was once a member of our society.

Now that I am 34 years old now, I feel young still, but with a more clear idea of where I feel my life is going, and where I am likely to end up. I don't fear the future like I did back in my teens and early 20's. I actually embrace it now.

This last year has been particularly interesting. I mended fences with my mom after years of pointless bantering over things that can't be changed. I found a great friend that goes by the nickname HSP (Hi, darling) who has inspired me to not only improve my art of writing, but also to help me craft it into also becoming a better human being. I am forever grateful of the bond she has shared with me, and look forward to plenty more years of this bond.

I also realized in this last year just how strong minded a person Kelly really is. She has taken every dark situation, or mental anguish I may have been going through and turned it into a smooth transitional period in my life. She is truly the strongest soul I have ever met, and I love her forever in time. She is my spine, and without her, I wouldn't have gotten through anything.

I also re-established a bond with a very old friend of mine, sweet Audi. She was one of the people who helped me mold my writing way back in the mid 90's, and it's nice to finally speak with her again and see how much her life has changed, and how mature she has gotten. It may have even given me more ideas and is helping me mature more as a writer and a member of society.

Then of course I can't forget Rick and Shane. My two best friends. My brothers. I have known them for 20 years, and we have stories and memories that will forever fill my heart with the purest of joy. I love them, and always have. Rick, Shane - I love you two and the things you have done for me. The three of us have been to the pits of hell together and back. You guys are my blood, and I will always be your brother, even in the very end.

It's kind of funny to think that I didn't have many people in the world that I could confide in, but as I started typing this up and pondering what I was going to say, it astonishes me just how many people I do have and how much they love me, and how much I truly love them.

From Kelly, to Helen, to Audi, to Rick, Shane, and not least of which, Meria and Lucian. I love all of you, and whether you know it or not, all of you, in your own ways have helped me begin this process that my mother has spent the last 20 years trying to do - To get me to like myself.

I actually have found that while I am far from perfect, so is everyone else. I have put a ton of responsibility on my shoulders in regards to my family. I didn't think I could do it, but I have, and now I need to carry the torch even further and realize that I truly am a good person.

It's true that I would be what some would call a "tortured soul", but I think that after all this time, I have let a lot of the negativity go and have begun embracing the positive.

I may be flawed, but I know that I am good person. I try my hardest to take care of my family, I love my boys with all my heart, I want to take what I now consider my 4 closest friends and just hug them and never let go. Then, of course, there's my darling Flower. My backbone, my right AND left hand, and the person who fills my very soul. Kelly, my love, without you, I wouldn't even be able to begin to be in a position to forgive myself, let alone like myself.

In closing, I would just like to say this - This last 3 years has been so eventful, and endearing. However, as my father no doubt knows, I have persevered and am now ready to start rebuilding myself.

My mother told me once that I can't take care of others until I take care of myself first. Well, she was partially right. I have spent a long time taking care of those I love, and will continue to do so, but, for the sake of having a long and wonderful future with my boys, my dearest friends that I named earlier, and of course my beautiful flower, it's time I gave myself the boost that my mother has said I deserve.

I'm now 34 years old, and feel like a child still. I have matured in so many ways, but now it's time to mature in all the other ways, and i'm starting right at the very center of my soul and bringing it all out.

We'll see if I have the success that I hope I do. I vowed that I would not die hating myself like my father sadly did, and this will now begin the time where I start that process.

I look forward to more time to spend with all the ones I care about.

Finally, I just want to thank all of you for all your support and your companionship.

That is all for now on this post. Time to go write some more.

I'll be back here soon though. Until then, I am ghost.