Weird man's Top 10 games of 2014

Phew! What a year this has been. I've had so many changes in my life; both personally and professionally. From me leaving a career of nearly 18 years so that I may try new things I, hopefully, love. All the way to getting my health back in order, I feel I am finally on track to get my life back to a place where I've been trying to get it for many years.

None of that really matters here. This is, after all, about that vidja game habit we all hold so reverently.

2014 sure as shit was a weird year for games. Everyone last year was saying, as the new consoles were launching "Don't worry. All the stuff will be coming out in 2014. It'll make everyone want to buy a PS4 or XBOX One.". Well, I certainly disagree with that entirely (With the exception of Wii U). This year was riddled with games that disappointed me so much, I wanted to bust a baseball bat over my head and cause me to reevaluate my life. I did buy a PS4 this year, but only because I thought I would have a blast playing games like Destiny, Knack and Final Fantasy XIV with my family. While that was true in the broad sense, when you break down the individual parts of the reason I bought the system, it all falls apart. Destiny was a fucking mess. A pure, unfettered mess. It's not that I hate the game. In fact, I've put 25 hours into it, and plan to keep going. But, it is unequivocally, the most disappointing game this year. The game that was going to make me fall in love with that genre again the way Halo 2, and Goldeneye did again. Nope. Sorry, Destiny but you have a long way to go. Hopefully I can love you down the road, but for now, you are like that stalking girlfriend that won't stop stalking me.

Transistor is another game that made me so angry. I was so hyped after Bastion, but man... that fucking game is nowhere near what I thought it would be. I can say fuck that game and not be remorseful. FUCK THAT GAME.

With those said, I did love a lot about the games of 2014, and, as you'll see momentarily, it left me with some games that are probably going to be some of my favorites ever. I just can't believe how busted, and on fire this industry was this year. Ubisoft is like Leonardo DiCapprico's character in "What's eating Gilbert Grape?". Halo was broken??? Are you fucking with me?? Call of Duty was actually good this year? GamerGate... seriously, people?  Did I get transported into some fucked up, Looney Tunes type world? I'm so confused. But I digress.

Here are my top 10 games of 2014. I would give some honorable mentions, but fuck that shit. If I'm going for blood, I'm doing it right.

10: Middle-Earth: Shadow of Morodor

This is a great game. I'm not going to deny that in the slightest. I know Giant Bomb voted it as their Game of the Year. Although I strongly disagree, I can not not deny that the game is fantastic. The game has a fantastic nemesis system, the orcs looks absolutely amazing, and the combat is fantastic and just plain awesome. However, here's where the game starts to break down for me. The game is just muddy to look at. Yes, I know that the game gets more colorful later in the game, but it just looks so bland and gross to look at for the first 5 hours. I know that can be attributed to the world of The Lord of the Rings, and its bleakness look in the home of Sauron. I just feel that the game could have been done much better with visual attire, and given it more than a mud look. I can't describe it, but I remember The Lord of the Rings having a much more realized world; even in the areas that were the bleakest. Also, I can not, with any good faith say this game has better combat and movement than Batman: Arkham Asyulm. It just doesn't. Period. Arkham Asylum is just one of the tightest, best controlling, well made games I have played in years. With that said, I can not possibly reward this for being a game that is of less sum than a game I enjoyed more 5 years ago. With all that said, I think it is a fantastic, amazing game, with a great nemesis system. It is a strong number 10.

9: The Walking Dead: Season 2

Yes. I know that Season 1 is just plain better than Season 2, by a long shot. However, the highs in Season 2 are just too impossible to ignore. The villain that was introduced midway through was just awesome, and his character had an amazing, brutal closure. I also love the way Clementine has evolved into such an amazing character. She's young, but her innocence is absolutely lost. She is tough after everything she has gone through. It's as if we are seeing someone grow in this apocalyptic world through our eyes, and that doesn't happen too often (Except for Ellie in The Last of Us). I know there are multiple endings, but the ending where Clementine shoots Kenny took my breath away. It left me so speechless. It made me realize that Clementine has finally realized she must do anything she can to make sure she survives against all adversity. I know the game has faults. The beginning is slow as hell (Although I do love how Omar is killed off in the first 10 minutes), the penultimate episode left my head scratching, but man, the ending... it is something to behold. The game play is still ass balls, but even with all the holes it has, when it is at its best, it punches harder than most games I played this year. 

8: Valiant Hearts

Such a fantastic concept. Instead of slaughtering people by the hundreds, you are introduced to a group of characters who are personally afflicted by the events of World War I. It is a powerful tale. The first 60% is kind of hokey, but it builds, and builds to the point where I had to see it through. My favorite character is easily the dog, Walt. He has such a charm that helps cast light in this tragic tale. He is so loyal, so loving, and you kind of feel like you are watching the events unfold before your very eyes through his vantage point. The game has some silly puzzles, yes, but they do not hinder the game in the slightest. The animation actually helps convey the emotion of the characters and the world than a game done in another art style would. The ending... I can't go without talking about the ending. When Emile does what is obviously the right thing to do, and not see his fellow soldiers be sent to the slaughter, and is sentenced to death because of it, already had me in knots. What followed next with him writing his final letter to his daughter, and his feelings about war, and all the heart felt stuff was sad enough; the fact that I had to walk him to his execution while listening to that letter nearly brought me to teas for the first time in so many years. The ending alone makes the game an amazing experience. 

7: Captain Toad: Treasure Tracker

By the time Thanksgiving was here, I had pretty much had my top 10 almost complete. Then, all of a sudden, out of NOWHERE came Captain Toad. A game I knew was going to be good. I did not, however expect it to be this god damn fantastic. It left me cackling in pure enjoyment. The puzzles are so simple to play, but so difficult to master. It has a colorful look (Even if it is torn from the levels in Super Mario 3D world). Nintendo is the absolute best at bringing their colorful universes to life and look just better than most things you will play.. Period. The soundtrack is so damn good. I love Toad as a character, and that he finally gets his chance to shine in his own game! There is nothing I don't like about this game. To those who say it's too short, I say fuck off. You are literally playing the game wrong. If you miss the optional diamonds, the golden mushrooms, the challenges of every level, and the speed run goals, you are missing over 50% of the game. The game is chock full of shit that I have enjoyed for over 15 hours, and I still have the bonus book to play. Man. What a game.

6: Super Smash Bros. 

If I had to pick one, it would have to be the Wii U version. The game is just the ultimate Nintendo fan service. More so than any other game i've ever played in my life, have I seen such fan service in one single package. Some would argue that The Master Chief collection is the biggest package in a game. I say eat shit and die. Smash Bros. for Wii U is everything Nintendo has ever had in their gaming existence thrown together in one package of pure joy. The fighting is great, but I know that it's take it or leave it. You can button mash. You can learn block dashing. You can play pro. You can play insane. It's all up to you. There are EIGHT GOD DAMN different controller options to use! That is absolutely insane!! There are so many things you can do, variations of matches, a perfect online play (Yes, Nintendo did online well!), and 49 characters. What more can I say about this? 8 player Smash is just one of the best things in the history of history. The thousands of collectible achievements? The 80 billion game modes? The soundtrack of over 100 games in the universe? Fuck. I can go for hours. It's just phenomenal. The ONLY gripe I have of it is the explanation of DLC being hard to implement into the game. I call pure bullshit on that. I sincerely hope that Sakurai is sincere in saying that he isn't doing another Smash Bros. This game is just so nearly perfect that it will easily last me for the next 10 - 15 years, and I will still be unlocking stuff. It is the one game on this list I can say I will play well into my mid-life years. 

5: Far Cry 4

I came out of E3 in June thinking this game was a shoe-in to be my game of the year. I have nothing but the utmost reverence for Far Cry 3. The game looked phenomenal. Once it came out, I was in love. I remembered how well I loved shooting in 3. The new systems in place were fantastic. The first vehicle takedown made me literally say "Holy Shit" at my TV. The world was so big, and full of so much stuff that it was almost overwhelming. I loved everything about it. Pagan Min is probably one of the best villains i've seen in years. He just made me laugh so much at the things he would say and do. Plus, that ending at the beginning of the game is just amazing. The story was good with the Golden Path. The story choices were obvious to me. I chose with Amita all the time because I felt Sabal was too old fashioned and wanted to go back to ways I viewed were just not inline with the way the world was actually working around them. I loved the crafting system, the amount of collectibles. I could go on for days, but I can't because I stopped playing 40 hours in. Why? Because the game broke my heart. During the last mission of act 2, you are betrayed by a main character, and the scene cuts to black. My game crashed during this time. Once I loaded it back up, I was inside the Ghale Homestead, and I could not, no matter where I went, progress the story. I looked up online that I was supposed to be in a prison. I contacted Ubisoft support. They asked me to send them my save file so they could fix the bug. Then, after not hearing from them in 4 days, I went online and found out that they had closed my case, basically fucking me out of all the hours I put into this game world that I love. The game broke my heart. Correction! The developer broke my heart. I wanted to spend dozens of more hours in this world, and now I can not without starting over completely. I may very well someday go back to it because it is so amazing, but I can't help but be sour at Ubisoft. I know they have had a horrible year with terrible, and busted games, but the ONE game they make that is fantastic had one issue that killed it for me. This would be higher on my list... MUCH HIGHER if it had not broke my heart.

4: South Park: The Stick of Truth

I have been watching South Park since 1998. I have watched all of the episodes, and watch the new ones the day that they air. They are still amazing, and hilarious. It's great that in lieu of The Simpsons not being funny in over 15 years, South Park continues to pounce it in every single way. When I first put the game in, I was kind of worried that the game would just be a throw away fan service with shitty game play. Boy, was I wrong! The comedy is just perfect. They take everything old, and new and flesh it out in the best ways you can possibly imagine. To your parents having sex while you fight gnomes, to the anal probes on the UFO, to Al Gore, it's all implemented perfectly. The humor does not just need to be praised; the game play is great too. There is no grinding in the game. You just go around and do the stuff in the game. You experience the world of South Park. The battles are great, funny, well executed and do not overstay their welcome even once. I felt like I was watching Season 18 months before Season 18 officially started. The game is truly something to behold. The game looks like the show perfectly. The voice acting is the best Trey and Matt can do. It's a perfect South Park. One that will likely never be duplicated. Congratulations, Obsidian. You've probably created the only great game you'll ever make.

3: Neverending Nightmares

I don't know how much I can actually talk about this game. I'll just get a few things out of the way. I have suffered from depression my entire life. It is a continuing battle, and one that is something very few understand, and people sure as hell can't figure out a way to convey it in an art form that is presentable and can be related to by people such as myself. I suffer from nightmares. Ones that feel real, and I wake up in cold sweats from. The game is not fun to play. It is dreadful. It is terrifying. It leaves me in sweats, and it gives me chills. Not because it's a "Horror" game, but because it is a game about the horrors of a persons mind. The only thing I can say is thank you so much Matt Gilgenbach! You have created an experience that I find so uncomfortable, unsettling, and terrifying to play because it speaks to my very soul, and the troubles i've had in my life. Thank you so much! You have succeeded where tons have failed - You helped me partially cope with a problem i've had since I was 7 years old. This game will forever be etched in my mind as one of the ones that I will never forget.

Before I move on, I have to say this: The top 2 games are games I literally spent weeks fighting with myself over on which one should be on top. One week it'd be one, the next week it'd be another. I argued with myself so much. It was a battle of my mind that I hadn't had in years because both were just so god damn amazing. I just had to say that even though I did order these, they're both deserving of number 1. It just had to come down to me finally picking one.

2: Bayonetta 2

This is the best action game i've ever played. Period. End of sentence. There is no debate. Don't even fucking try! Bayonetta 2 takes the word crazy in video games, gives it steroids, pumps it full of unleaded gasoline, gives it a laxative and then says "Fuck you" and lets that shit explode. It is a bat-shit, over the top, orgy of fun that no other game of the modern era can top. Where can I start? The intentionally hokey dialogue. The funny conversations Cereza has with everyone. The amount of ways enemies are killed. The incredible tutorial areas that teach you how to play the game if you are new, or a veteran. You can play it any way you want. You can button mash, you can perfect combos. It's all there. This game can be played by anyone. Then, of course, the highlight of the show is the insane, bat shit encounters in the game. The fact that it starts you in an area with some enemies, then throws in 8 more, then it says "Fuck you, here's a boss". Once you kill the boss, the game says "Oh, hell no. We're not done yet". It then throws you into a scene where you're riding on a jet that is being chased by a guy I can only describe as Grimlock put into gold, and you beat the fucking guy and then act like nothing happened. She walks with that sexy, sarcastic attitude. And that's just the first 15 minutes of the game. God fucking damn!! The first fight with The Lumen Sage, where you two are fighting like superheroes, while their "Pets" are battling in the background Godzilla style caused me to just put the controller down and say "Shut the fuck up! This can't be happening". I had to watch for a good two minutes just to believe what my eyes were telling my brain. The game takes spectacle to a level I have never seen in a game before. It stacks everything on top of everything until it just feels like stopping. Not to mention that the god damn framerate is locked at 60 FPS for every sequence of combat. It is so fluid, so precise, so beautiful, so amazing. In a nutshell, I want to marry Bayonetta. Not the character, the game. Though the character sure is hot too. Jesus Christ. What a game! This is THE reason to own a Wii U. You will die happy if this is only game you play in your life. That is an objective point of view.

1: Shovel Knight 

How did I pick this over Bayonetta? It was so god damn hard, but there is one reason I can give, and it's simple. It is the most fun i've had in any entertainment experience since Megaman 2 in 1988. I can say, without doubt that Megaman 2 is my favorite NES game, and it is in my top 10 games of all times. I still play it monthly! Shovel Knight brings in everything I love about Megaman 2, Castlevania and any other NES game that I hold reverence in my heart into the modern day. I feel like i'm 10-years old again. The gameplay is perfect. The challenge is perfect. The music is the best soundtrack i've heard in decades. I love the character Shovel Knight. He is just a great character to love, and enjoy having his bash people with a god damn shovel! I literally felt like I was in a time machine and transported back to the summer of 1989 where I was playing those games over again. I literally had a smile on my face every second I loaded, played, and experienced Shovel Knight. I was even smiling turning it off because it made me happier than any game i've played in 25 years. This game is not just my game of the year; it is almost definitely in my top 10 games of all times. This and Bayonetta 2 have those honors. I haven't felt this happy about these two games since Metroid Prime. Shovel Knight is pure perfection. There is nothing wrong with it. The "New Game +", the cheats where everyone says "Butt", to anything else you can add to that pile of amazing things the game has to offer. It is the perfect package. The game being $15 is a CRIME! I would've paid $60 for this game and still had it as my number one. I bought it for both Wii U and 3DS, and beat it on both 5 times! I will be getting the PC version soon as well, and beat it more times. This game will be in my "Recently Played" list on all 3 systems for many years to come. There is nothing that comes close to the pure joy that this game brought me. It is amazing. What else can I say? It is THE GAME OF YEAR... I may even say it is the Game of the Decade!

That is all. Thank you. Hope anyone cares about this. Have a great New Year. 

Funniest thing today happened today

Yep. This happened in my parking lot. Epically awesome. The guy lost his job while the mess was getting picked up.

The low-man's GOTY 2013

Yes. It's January 25th. People are well past the year 2013, and all gaming websites have given out their game of the years. Well, i'm not like most people. What can I say? I am a little on the odd side, and like to take my time enjoying things before I give my final assessment on things.

With that in mind, I have finally compiled my list of top 5 games of 2013. Will anyone care? I don't really care. This is just for my own caring. Here goes. The top 5 games of 2013 for Tim.

5) Tomb Raider - PS3, XBox 360, PC

I came into this game thinking that it was going to be another dumb Tomb Raider game. This franchise and I have had an up and down history. More down than anything else. I was so skeptical; even after the epic E3 trailer from 2011, and the gameplay reveal at E3 2012. I just couldn't believe that Lara Croft could be saved. However, I trusted Crystal Dynamics. They may not be the same company that created the Legacy of Kain games that are among my favorite games of the 5th and 6th generation, but they still had talent, so I was willing to see if they could pull a rabbit out of their hat. I got my hands on the game, on PC - Which is the only way to play this game. There is no other option. The PC version is just a beautiful spectacle to look at, and what do you know... I started to like it.

After a few hours of Lara getting her ass kicked, and her regretting the choices she was making, and all the stuff was coming together, I was starting to really like it. By the time I got about 40% through the game, I realized that I love this game and had to finish it, and I mean finish it all the way. 100%. It took me 35 hours to do it, but I did. The game amazed me, and was by far the biggest surprise for me last year.

The combat was amazing. The puzzles, while not as pronounced as in Tomb Raider games (Probably a good thing). The island I was living in, and the story all just fell into place for me. I cared about Lara Croft again cause she was actually more like a human being than a bad-ass superhero bitch.

I couldn't believe how much I loved this game, and I wanted more. Here's hoping Crystal Dynamics can blow me away again with the inevitable sequel.

4) The Stanley Parable - PC

This game is just gold. It has such an amazing sense of humor. It has a feeling of isolation that is kind of frightening, yet never bad enough that you're feeling sad. All the endings were just great. The narrator is one of the best voice acting jobs i've ever seen. The achievements are so ridiculous that they were just amazing.

How can you get better than being one guy in an office and listening to a narrator telling a story of you, only to have you do exactly the opposite of what the narrator says, which, in turn, infuriates him. Hilarity ensues as he can't figure out what the fuck you're going to do next, and sometimes he glitches the game and leads you on a 25 minute trek just to find the proper way to reset the game. You couldn't beat the smile off my face in the 7 hours it took for me to get all the endings in the game cause I was laughing so hard.

The only question I have is is Stanley related to the character in Portal?

3) The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds - 3DS

There has been enough said about this game on every website on the planet, that I need not go into detail on my experience with it. What else can I say? It's an amazing Zelda game. It's a sequel to one of the most cherished games in history and it does it justice like no one expected. I do prefer Skyward Sword by a hair, but that's not taking anything from this masterpiece. The only downfall to this game is the bosses were too easy.

I created my own difficulty so I wouldn't exploit the getting every item in the game right away as an advantage in all the dungeons. I only got the item when I got to a certain area or dungeon in the game and I realized that I needed it, so i'd go and buy it. The first three dungeons are just ok, but the final seven are just gold. The Thieves Den is such an amazing dungeon, the sand dungeon is so great, I played it twice just to enjoy it again, and the stealth areas were so fun.

If you truly want a great experience with it, play it on Hero Mode. It's true Zelda. You will get your ass kicked, but the sense of urgency and careful timing will make you love the game even more.

What more can I say? The game is a work of art, and almost the best game of the 3DS.... but not quite.

2) Animal Crossing: New Leaf

Stuff to do every day. Online communities. 300+ hours into this game and still going strong. This game IS the total package and is the BEST game on 3DS. I thought Pokemon would do it, but I was so in love with Animal Crossing that i've barely touched X and Y.

The amount of content they added is just insane. Customizing your town with all sorts of landmarks, being the mayor, creating your own ordinances, the island games... I could go on and on and on. This game is so packed that even at 300 hours, I haven't seen half of what is in the game yet. I JUST got Katrina to set up shop in my town - 7 months after I started playing.

If you have friends to play with, and the desire to collect all there is in this game, then expect to spend at least a year playing this amazing treat. I know that i'll be playing this game for the entire rest of 2014, and maybe even 2015. What can I say? It is the absolute total package and the best game on 3DS.

1) Gone Home

I never, ever, in a million years thought an indie game that slipped under my radar until the end of December would end up being the absolute best game I played in 2013. Quick confession - I beat this game on January 1st, 2014, but it still counts since it came out in 2013.

This game is just story telling at its finest. Proof that video games are an art form, and can stand toe to toe with any form of medium out there.

The game takes place in 1995. I was 16 when this game takes place, so I can completely relate to everything that Sam was going through in the game. Playing as Katie made me look at the life Sam was going through in the year she was gone through the eyes of an outsider looking in (Even though she is the older sister). The game is the story of Sam, not Katie. You may play as Katie, but Sam steals the show. Her ordeals of teenage life in the mid 90's is just so mind numbing to me and hit me so close to home cause I felt exactly like she did when I was 16. It actually made me remember how unnecessarily made myself sad during those formative years of my life.

The house feels so organic, and like a real house that I, or any of us grow up in. It's a little erie on the atmosphere, but once you uncover all the things in the house, you realize that this family is just like every other family - A dysfunctional family that has real issues that effect real people. There's no saving the world, or any of the other cliches that have tainted games in the last 10 years. It's just the story of a family and all their struggles.

If you ever want to know how it feels to be a teenager again, or what it's like to be a teenage girl in the mid 90s, you must play this "Game". It's more of an interactive drama. The story is so real, so full of subtle things that are organic, and real in the world we lived in then, that I kept flashing back to my teenage years and feeling like I was Katie walking through that house.

The story of Samantha is something that you must experience and you will be left satisfied after you've explored the whole house, figured out the secrets of your parents, the nature of the house, why you went on the European trip to begin with, and of course discovered the resolution of Samantha. I haven't cried in a game ever, nor have I actually cried in so many years that i've forgotten how to cry. However, that final long trek up the stairs towards the attic almost made me shed a tear.

I won't spoil a thing here. I will just say that I couldn't be happier with the ending. It was perfect, it fits the reality of the world that was in 1995, and even today in 2014 despite all the technology advancements we've made.

It is, without a doubt, the best game of 2013, and maybe one of the best stories i've ever seen in a video game. For those who have doubts about video games, or never played them, should start here, as it will put any prejudice of games you have to bed.

Perfect dialog, amazing voice acting, a fantastic story, Sam the character, the organic nature of the house and the reality of the world Katie is in makes this the absolute 10/10 for me. I never thought a game like this would be better than a Zelda game released in the same year, but it did.

Play it now, PLEASE. Gone Home is what video games are all about! It's the best game of 2013. Period.

The weekend that was gaming fun

Friday started off as a great day. Work was fine, we had laughs, ribs, etc. It was the usual end of the week fun.

However, I did not expect the events that happened a mere 12 hours earlier to happen, nor did I expect so many people to side with me. Gaming enthusiasts and even gaming web celebrities saw my side.

It was 9:45 PM Colorado time on Thursday night. I was winding down myself to prepare for bed and was watching TV with my wife. Nothing interesting was on. It dawned on me that XBox One was launching on the east coast in a mere 15 minutes. As I scroll through the guide on my TV, I saw that Spike was doing an XBox One launch event. I decided to turn it on to kill time.

During my watch of it, which, by the way was for a console I have no intention of buying, I saw it was hosted by what a lot of people know as the "Face of games", Geoff Keighley. Despite all the "Doritos Pope" memes I had seen and knowing his reputation, I still respect him. He has grear potential to get the proper message across about the medium we all love and obsess over.

5 minutes in, I see him present the singer Macklemore. Not my cup of tea on music,  but I digress. Then, I see him on stage with Microsoft PR getting ready to hand out the first 10 consoles.

After seeing that, mixed with his co-host trying to be like Jenny McCarthy on New Year's Eve interviewing "random" consumers about what they were excited for, I had enough.

I turned it off and went to have a cigarette. After I finished, I went on Twitter and said that I didn't appreciate the way Keighley and Spike were sending the wrong message about our medium.  Basically that they were catering to the MTV crowd, or that 18 - 34 demographic,  and they already have those people buying consoles (Whether one or all three) and that they needed to try and send a more diverse message that games can be in the same league of movies, music and books as an art form.

Now let me state that I know launch events, E3, and ComicCon are always going to have flare and PR pizzazz. I was referencing that they're doing this on their website all the time and also on the show they have on Spike TV. That's not what needs to be done. 

Once I tweeted this (In 160 characters), Keighley replied with a basic "Fuck you" and I got flamed by his legions of followers.  There were some who agreed with me, but overall, I had a lot of hate towards me that night. All I was doing was making a point that everyone missed. 

I also pointed out the irony that he tweets me back with "There are different ways to celebrate our art" while dancing with Mackelmore and Microsoft PR was hypocrisy at its finest. Yet, I still got flamed. It was quite an eventful 10 hours on Twitter for me.

After work on Friday, I was excited to get Super Mario 3d world,  and The Legend of Zelda: A Link Between Worlds. I was also excited knowing that nwr.com was hosting its annual child's play marathon the next day. An event I had partaked in for 3 years straight. I was excited to donate money to children who needed it.

On Saturday,  I woke up and jumped right on the telethon chat and Twitter and expressed to Jonny Metts that I would really love to tell this story. He stated he wanted to hear it.

I listened to the telethon, and was having a blast. About 45 minutes in, I decided it was time to make a lot of children happy.  I donated $2500 and became a figurative "Star" in the NWR community. I just did it cause I'm a father and I want other kids to be as happy as mine are.

In the next segment, I decide to call in to the telethon and speak with the guys about the Wii U report card and tell them about my incident with Mr. Keighley. It seemed that the community in the chat and the Twitter community contributing seemed to side with me. Jonny defended him and justifiably so, he knows him better than I, but it seems he saw my point of view as well. I won't speak for James, or Gui, though James made me laugh on why I wasted my time watching in the first place.  Well made point, James. Done in the way only you can do it.

Let me remind, I am a writer, and a huge gamer. I would love to turn either or both of these into a job. I am also an HSP, which means that it is so much easier to express my thoughts in writing than in oration. On paper and online I have a loud voice. In person, I am as quiet as a ninja (Except with my family). Something I need to work on.

The rest of the telethon was awesome. I was so entertained for the whole 10 hours, never bored and because of my contributions to the community, the charity, my feelings on Geoff Keighley,  and the fun I had in chat, I made lots of new friends on Twitter and maybe some Nintendo networks, including some NWR staff. I couldn't have had a better day than I did.

I've always wanted to get into the gaming business cause I love games, and I love to write. Combining those would just be a dream for me. I've spent 10 years going on the programming side cause of my MS in computer science, but I think I love writing more. It just speaks more from my soul.

My friends Helen and Audi have always been my biggest inspirations, and they both have always told me to never hold back. Well, I won't and I haven't.

I just want to thank Jonny Metts, and the entire NWR staff and community for giving me some of my 15 minutes of fame.

And to Geoff Keighley - I still think you are sending the wrong message of our art, and feel this needs to be changed. I find it funny that John Davidson, the man in gaming "journalism" I respect the most said the same thing about you in 2006 on 1-Up Yours. If he said it, then it's obvious something you're doing must change. I say that with respect cause I feel you can still do it, if you drop the Doritos and back side kissing you do with PR.

With that, I am out.

Tim "Smeatbass" Hudson

The first year of the rest of my life

Well, it's been nearly 2 years since I posted anything on this blog. I've mainly done all my "Thought" writing on traditional notebooks, or posting several things on my own private blog that no one knows of - Simply because there is just some things that I need to write down or type that I want to remember, or perhaps even vent about, but want no one of particular knowledge to read those particular thoughts.

That said, I am now back on this blog, whether viewed by 1, or 1000.

What has caused me to write on this blog again? Well, I do have a lot of opinions I need to get off my chest. Also, today is my 34th birthday. I just passed the 5-year anniversary of the passing of my father, also passed the 5-year anniversary of my promotion within my job.

Being now that I feel that my mind has coped as best as it can with the passing of my father, and I feel I am out of the "rut" it put me in with regards to everything - My writing, my relationship with my children, my mother, and most importantly, the personal acceptance of myself. The only thing his death did not put me in "rut" with was my work. I wanted to persevere to make him proud, and excel at my job in order to know that he is and was proud of me. I now feel that I have accomplished that. Now, for the last year or two, I have begun the long process of self healing. What does this mean exactly? Anyone who has known me for an extended period of time know that I have always had personal self-esteem issues. There have been certain things and people in my life over the last 5 years that have effected me, and helped me to reevaluate my position on myself.

I remember right before my youngest son Lucian was born in the fall of 2005, I was having what many called an "existential crisis". Basically during the summer of 2005 through the spring of 2006, I was always worried that being a human meant nothing, and my life would have no purpose in the grand scheme of the universe. Eventually I got passed that and celebrated the birth of my youngest son, while mourning the passing of my dearest friend - My cat Beauty. Yes, I have been called silly for having a cat and deeming it my closest friend. I don't view it as silly at all. I got her when I was 5, and she lived until I was nearly 27. That's 22 years of her being in my life and knowing everything I went through, and experienced. If anyone had a bird's eye view of my life, it was her.

However, her life is something to be discussed on another day. I'm here today to talk about my feelings on getting older, and how the last 5 years have effected me.

I remember after my father passing that his life was not remembered by many, except for those closet to him - mainly myself, my mother and Kelly. It's almost as if my existential crisis I went through was almost a mirror reflection of what was to come for him a mere 2 years later. Well, I have been, and will continue to be the voice of him, making sure no one forgets who he was, or what kind of person he was. I have worked to the point of pure mental exhaustion to make sure this happens. While I spend the next few years trying to track down my brother and sister, James and Dawn, I will still be making sure that his name will not be forgotten.

I told the funeral home that I would write his obituary. The problem with that is, I started writing it, and it quickly turned into 20 pages. Over the last 5 years, it's turned into almost 75 pages. Hardly something you could put in a newspaper, so as I continue to write that as the months and years go by, I will continue to remember all the things he brought to this world, both good and bad, to make sure that he was once a member of our society.

Now that I am 34 years old now, I feel young still, but with a more clear idea of where I feel my life is going, and where I am likely to end up. I don't fear the future like I did back in my teens and early 20's. I actually embrace it now.

This last year has been particularly interesting. I mended fences with my mom after years of pointless bantering over things that can't be changed. I found a great friend that goes by the nickname HSP (Hi, darling) who has inspired me to not only improve my art of writing, but also to help me craft it into also becoming a better human being. I am forever grateful of the bond she has shared with me, and look forward to plenty more years of this bond.

I also realized in this last year just how strong minded a person Kelly really is. She has taken every dark situation, or mental anguish I may have been going through and turned it into a smooth transitional period in my life. She is truly the strongest soul I have ever met, and I love her forever in time. She is my spine, and without her, I wouldn't have gotten through anything.

I also re-established a bond with a very old friend of mine, sweet Audi. She was one of the people who helped me mold my writing way back in the mid 90's, and it's nice to finally speak with her again and see how much her life has changed, and how mature she has gotten. It may have even given me more ideas and is helping me mature more as a writer and a member of society.

Then of course I can't forget Rick and Shane. My two best friends. My brothers. I have known them for 20 years, and we have stories and memories that will forever fill my heart with the purest of joy. I love them, and always have. Rick, Shane - I love you two and the things you have done for me. The three of us have been to the pits of hell together and back. You guys are my blood, and I will always be your brother, even in the very end.

It's kind of funny to think that I didn't have many people in the world that I could confide in, but as I started typing this up and pondering what I was going to say, it astonishes me just how many people I do have and how much they love me, and how much I truly love them.

From Kelly, to Helen, to Audi, to Rick, Shane, and not least of which, Meria and Lucian. I love all of you, and whether you know it or not, all of you, in your own ways have helped me begin this process that my mother has spent the last 20 years trying to do - To get me to like myself.

I actually have found that while I am far from perfect, so is everyone else. I have put a ton of responsibility on my shoulders in regards to my family. I didn't think I could do it, but I have, and now I need to carry the torch even further and realize that I truly am a good person.

It's true that I would be what some would call a "tortured soul", but I think that after all this time, I have let a lot of the negativity go and have begun embracing the positive.

I may be flawed, but I know that I am good person. I try my hardest to take care of my family, I love my boys with all my heart, I want to take what I now consider my 4 closest friends and just hug them and never let go. Then, of course, there's my darling Flower. My backbone, my right AND left hand, and the person who fills my very soul. Kelly, my love, without you, I wouldn't even be able to begin to be in a position to forgive myself, let alone like myself.

In closing, I would just like to say this - This last 3 years has been so eventful, and endearing. However, as my father no doubt knows, I have persevered and am now ready to start rebuilding myself.

My mother told me once that I can't take care of others until I take care of myself first. Well, she was partially right. I have spent a long time taking care of those I love, and will continue to do so, but, for the sake of having a long and wonderful future with my boys, my dearest friends that I named earlier, and of course my beautiful flower, it's time I gave myself the boost that my mother has said I deserve.

I'm now 34 years old, and feel like a child still. I have matured in so many ways, but now it's time to mature in all the other ways, and i'm starting right at the very center of my soul and bringing it all out.

We'll see if I have the success that I hope I do. I vowed that I would not die hating myself like my father sadly did, and this will now begin the time where I start that process.

I look forward to more time to spend with all the ones I care about.

Finally, I just want to thank all of you for all your support and your companionship.

That is all for now on this post. Time to go write some more.

I'll be back here soon though. Until then, I am ghost.

Can my astral relaxation have altered my attitude?

I went to Missouri 2 1/2 weeks ago. During this time I vowed 3 things:
1: To relax my stress level from all the crap that work and the crap my mom has been pulling the last few years.
2: To cut back on my medication intake
3: To re-attune my astral abilities, and find my center that I seem to have lost some time ago.

I think I accomplished those 3 things rather well in the short time that I had to do so. The problem lies in that now, that I am back in the full swing of my "Normal", every day life, I seem to have developed, what some would say an "Attitude problem". Kelly would be one of the primary advocates to this statement being a truth.

Let's see why I would have this apparent problem of having an "Attitude problem".

I think some of it may have to do with the fact that while I was relaxing in my mind and realizing how trivial a lot of things i've stressed myself so much about over the last 3 years has been, I also realized how formulaic my life is beginning to become. This is a common problem and thing that happens with a lot of people; especially those in their 30's who have a family to support and a career that they are working on. They're trying to find their place in what we call society.

I happen to be doing just that. I'm 31 years old. Father of 2, happily married for 11 years and have a job that pays me $47k per year. I bought my first house 14 months ago. I now own a new car; which now has a car payment, and am just living smack-dab in the middle of the "Working-Class" lifestyle.

"Lifestyle" is a word I detest, but I digress that for this post, as I can easily go on a 3 hour diatribe about that on another blog post in the future.

So, now that I have established that I am what the government would consider a normal tax-paying citizen of the working world; I am starting to see that my life consists of the same things over and over.

My routine goes something like this: (A reminder that this is not necessarily a bad thing, just my pointing out that while even though it isn't bad, it can get boring from time to time; if nothing else, for lack of variety in such a dynamic world)
- I get up around 5am Monday through Thursday, take a shower, then drive 35 minutes to work.
- Once I arrive at work, I spend the first part of my day reading through e-mails; seeing what corporate bullshit will be thrown my way during the first part of my day.
- I then proceed to do my usual beginning of the day "Manager duties".
- After doing my beginning duties, I focus on doing the projects that are either required of me, or I find projects I feel will benefit my standing in the company as well as increase consumer satisfaction. Doesn't always work, but I do the best I can.
- No need to bore you with the rest of my work day. It goes along the lines of more corporate BS e-mails, and a bunch of other crap I have to do. That's beside the point.
- I always try and get home before my son gets out of school, but it usually doesn't happen, or sometimes i'll get home beforehand.
- I take a nap within 45 minutes of being home because i'm not a morning person, and being thrown so many corporate things wears me out mentally.
- Once I wake up some 2, or 3 hours later. I hang out with my 2 sons by talking with them, sometimes playing games.
- I load up a video game (Lately it's been World of Warcraft). Kelly and I play that together through the majority of the night.
- During my play time of this, I check my Facebook, my Twitter accounts and my blogs. I also do approximately 3 paragraphs a night of a paper/article/blog post I want to write.
- I go to bed around 11:30pm and then the routine starts over again

As I said earlier, this isn't a bad thing, it's just sometimes a little too formulaic for my tastes; as, although I detest changes (Major ones, to be exact) in my life; I do like a slight bit of diversity.

I think this is where a majority of my discontent comes in. I need to find fresher, and more things to do during my day. Not just at work, but at home afterward is well.

It seems every time I do try and do something new; such as taking the family out to a place, things get chaotic because usually my youngest gets irritable and wanting to wander off to places we don't want him to go, and myself or Kelly get very agitated; thus that ruins the good time i'm trying to have with them. It's no ones fault. It is pure happenstance.

I do know, however that I do, and have been getting aggravated that I falling in to this rift of the "Same ol' song and dance". It's a formula, that while not bad, does beg for change.

It reminds me of the movie "Groundhog Day". Bill Murray lives the same day over and over for years. They never explain why, but my take from that movie is that it shows how people take their lives for granite so much and live the same lives over and over every single day that they get out of bed. I do not want to become one of those people, so naturally being the outspoken person that I am, when I sense something going on in my life that I either don't like or something I feel needs a "Shake up", I begin to act distressed and frustrated without warning or reason.

This is not singled out to any one single person, but just the idea of moving a long at on a straight train track is beginning to wear on me. Consequently, I seem to "Blow up" over the stupidest crap, like not being able to set up a new TV immediately after buying it.

I need to add diversity to my life so I am not becoming one of the many mindless "Drones" that I see every single day of my life. I hate those kind of people and would hate to see myself turn into something I hate.

This is more proof, also that I can write my thoughts of what's bothering me, but can't seem to convey it in vocal terms. I really need to work on that. All I can say is the moral of my point here is that even though I act like a "10-year old child" with my snappy attitude, it's not without reason, and I also know that people aren't mind readers, but it would sometimes make it easier if people could read my auras and my body chemistry a little better to know what is bothering me, or, if nothing else, know that I am plagued by something that is going on in my life.

Here's hoping that I do find this "Change" that I am dying to find. Even if it's just a small adjustment, for all I know it could be all I need to remain fresh with my mind.

Lucian, the impath?

So i've been one to read the auras and energies of my children as they have advanced in their years. It's no secret to anyone who knows my beliefs that I know that all children start with all their senses available to them, as well as full functionality of their brains. Eventually, they begin to lose these abilities as they adapt to the world they live in and the lifestyle that is presented to them. Some keep a few of their "Unnatural" abilities while most just adopt fully to the culture of the civilization they live in. Hence the reason they say only 10% of the brains function is known. It's obvious to me that they have not taken notice of the brain waves of children ages 3 and younger.

My oldest son, Meria, who is now 10, had wonderful abilities and talents that gave him the power to see auras, parallel people and even communicate with people of other planes. He lost most of these abilities when he reached the age of 6 and school brought him to the every day life customs we're all used to being in. He still has a few of the senses left to him, and he also happens to be one of the oldest souls I have ever met.

My youngest son, Lucian however, who is 5, has not lost any of his abilities. It is fascinating and intimidating to watch. I have always known that he was special in his ability to read people, discover their emotions, their inner thoughts and communicate with them through body language and parallel linking. Tonight, though proved my point that he is without a doubt, one of the most "In touch" people I have met in a very long time.

My mother complains that he has trouble seeing things unless they are close to him, and needs eye surgery. While this may be true, it is apparent to me that it is highly exaggerated. I'm sitting in my bathroom tonight smoking a cigarette and all the lights were completely out. He decided to join me in there because he isn't feeling too well and wanted to be close to his dad. During this time, he was sitting on the opposite side of the bathroom from where I was sitting; approximately 6 feet away. Remind you, this room was covered in total darkness, only had a small pale of moonlight in the upper corners of the room. When Kelly was getting ready to come in to the room to bring me a drink, I covered my eyes to prevent the light from irritating my eyes. Lucian, out of nowhere asked me "Dad, why are you covering your eyes?". I was completely floored by this question, as the room was still in complete darkness and I was sitting a relatively good distance from him; yet he was able to see a small facial gesture that I had made. During this time, I, who also have good vision in the dark, began to read his aura like I do on a daily basis, and it was a color that I had never seen on him before. It was almost as if it was emitting a out of body aura that I didn't think he had experienced yet. I haven't shown him any of the paths that I have taken to get to the point where I am at. It was an engrossing feeling I had; watching him utilize powers that I knew he always had, but I feared he was close to losing because he is on the verge of being domesticated.

To further my amazing experience with my son, a few minutes later, he told me and Kelly of a dream he had last night about mom driving our truck and getting into an accident, thus wrecking the truck. The reason I found this so flooring was as Kelly was leaving for work today, Lucian got up and gave Kelly a big hug and kiss and told her to be careful. Not even 20 minutes later, while Kelly was driving, she hit a patch of black ice. It caused her to do a 540 degree spin in the middle of the highway. Thankfully, she avoided hitting any cars, regained her barrings and proceeded with her day.

So, with this in mind; tell me: Is there any doubt that Lucian did not see this event happening in his sub conscience and helped Kelly prevent from being in a potentially disastrous accident? I would say yes.

I find this so awesome, that my youngest son hasn't been fully domesticated to the average human lifestyle and is still using abilities that he was born with. I do plan on helping him harness these further so that he never loses them.

Needless to say, it was quite an interesting experience today with him. Dad loves you, Lu. Thanks for being you.